A friend of mine coined this term for things that upset us and make us feel like our world is ending, but really if we just hold on and WAIT, things do get better.
My therapist calls it cognitive dissonance. My pastor calls it extrapolation and in layman’s terms, it sounds like this, tell me if this is familiar.
You are low on money one day.
You say and think to yourself, we don’t have enough money.
You then say- We will NEVER have enough money.
Before you know it, you are in the throes of so much emotion and you have yourself convinced of this false statement and now you have emotional hiccups.
You start saying to yourself that this is true and there is no way out.
Despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary, you let yourself believe what in a moment of difficulty, you decided was TRUE.
What’s the remedy?
If you find yourself spinning out of control emotionally, take a breath and refute the story you are telling yourself with truth.
1. We have enough money to pay bills.
2. We are spending less money and saving money right now.
3. This is not for always, this is for a short amount of time (a season if you will) and it is going to be worth it.
Keep telling yourself the truth, ask others around you to help you reinforce reality and breathe, this too shall pass.
Well I sincerely wish I could tell you I got a red card and am going to Los Angeles but sadly, I can not.
I wanted to say thank you to all of those hoping and praying for me and sending all the vibes and encouraging words my way. Some of you have never heard me sing, and were so super supportive and pulling for me. That meant a lot! Thank you!
Here is the song I sang (no cameras in the room) so this YouTube I took from the set of my show will have to do…
It was a fun experience, and hey, it’s another high-stakes audition (for NBC producers) to add to my list of auditions. The more you audition, the better you get, (so they say).
I do want to point something out though. As I was standing in line, one of the handlers addressed the crowd for what had to be the 200th time that day, and said, “Thank you for being here, we don’t have a show without you. We understand you are a person and you are not cattle so we won’t treat you like that. We want to get you in and out of here, unlike American Idol where it’s a 14-16 hour day, we want to get you out of here in 2-3 hours. You are here because you believe you are ‘The Voice’ or you believe you are talented enough to come out and take your shot. We appreciate you, get yourself ready and show the judges what you are made of, have some fun and show off your best.”
It was really encouraging, and this was my fourth time auditioning and no one had ever said anything like that before. In the past, it was quite literally a cattle call… just line after line, and for hours on end. That was not the case this year. We got there at 12 and left a little after 4, which was way better than I was thinking it was going to be.
As I approached the audition room, I started to get revved up, excited and the adrenaline was pumping, I took off my running shoes and put on my sexy shoes that I had packed in my bag. I was first in line so did a few lip trills and ran my “la be da me ni po tu’s” as I waited. I did my power posing and pictured a red card in my hand and saw it in my mind and did a few jumps to get my energy up and ready.
The door opened and we were ushered in to the room with 5 chairs on each side of the room. The producer was a wiry guy with lots of tattoos and he was sitting at a little table with a laptop on it and stacks and stacks of audition passes and he said,
“Welcome, thank you for being here and pursuing a dream. I want to start by saying thank you to the parents who are supporting their kids and their dreams. Secondly, I want to tell you that there are a ton of people who audition for us and don’t get on the show but still have very successful music careers, and a yes is very easy to hear, but no is harder to hear and a lot more common. So, when I call your name give me the very best 45 seconds you got. You can sing any part of the song you want, it can be the beginning and the middle or the end, but you only get 45 seconds. You will stop you or I will stop you when my stopwatch says 45 seconds and hopefully we will move you to the next round. After you all sing, I will tell you the results. I want to tell you too, that what you are doing takes guts, most people are afraid to pursue their dreams, that’s not you, because here you are, so, best of luck, and let’s start.”
I was about 7th to sing (lucky number 7?) and I am proud of how I sang. I am not happy with one of the notes, but I did what I did and in the moment that is all you CAN do.
No one in the room advanced, and when he told us that, this is what he said,
“As you may remember from watching the show, sometimes you will see a coach hovering their hand right over the button but they don’t press and it was like that here today. I heard a lot of good things, but no one was consistent enough to move forward but I thank you all for coming in and come back, you might have missed it by one note.”
So I got a big fat no, but I am not that upset for a few reasons. It was the most encouraging “no” I think I ever got. I was so happy that the producer took the time to build people up in that way, since obviously they don’t have to do that.
They were doing auditions since 7am that morning, and if you do the math 10 people per audition session, he had to say that at least 100 times before I ever stepped foot in his audition room. It was incredible that he said it with such gusto and sincerity.
And you know what, I am not discouraged, I prepared and and did all I could do to show them the best that I have to offer and I am not what they are looking for this season.
Truly I am unsure if I will try again, since I have no idea what my life will bring in the next few years. I truly feel that any “NO” you get usually makes way for a “new opportunity” or a yes on something you don’t yet know about e.g. last January when I auditioned in the cold and windy Minute Maid outdoor stadium. I didn’t know it but I was pregnant so you could say the timing on that worked out really well. I also know that I have a great deal of pride in going after my dream, and I can proudly say yes to anyone who asks, “Jennifer, you are a great singer. Have you ever auditioned for ‘The Voice’?” Especially my daughter, as it’s become pretty important to think of her and the example I am setting. I want her to be bold and strong and one of the ways I can help her achieve that is being that way myself.
I know that this is a flight of fancy. I mean really, doing the math, the odds are pretty astronomical but that doesn’t mean it couldn’t have just as easily gone my way. I might have missed it by one note like the NBC producer said. Again, how cool is it that I have auditioned for NBC four times? A lot of people would view that as “You have also been rejected by them 4 times”, but I don’t see it that way. In fact, while I was contemplating this post, I was already compiling a list of the artists I know how to sing well so I can keep developing my playlist of songs and be ready for the next singing opportunity.
But back to you, dear reader. What crazy, bold, out there thing have you been saying you need to do… but just haven’t done yet? Is it writing a book? Freelancing? Starting your own business? Learning a new language? Run a marathon? Go figure out what you need to do (researching is a good place to begin) to start and then actually START. Make small steps to begin and then build that momentum and go get it done!
You got this, I am 100% behind you and on your team, cheering you on.
On Saturday at approximately 3pm, I will take my fourth “at bat” for Team Adam Levine on NBC’s television competition “The Voice”. Talk about shooting for the fences… Pretty exciting right?
In non-baseball terms, I am going to stand in line for many hours (historically 5) and sing my story for a producer from NBC and hope to high heaven that this time, I AM in fact, what the producers are looking for this season. When/if that happens, they may ask me to sing a “back up” song. When/if I make it past that round, I get a “red” card which means I was “called back” in two days and then I have to sing 2-3 current songs two days later, When/if I make it past that round, that’s when I get the chance to fly to Los Angeles and sing on national television.
As you might be able to tell from this progression, as long shots go, this one is very long.
Yes, it’s a VERY long shot, AND I am still going to take it because who is to say, that I am not exactly what they are looking for THIS season.
Beyond watching the show since 2011, and DREAMING about being on the show, what can one do to prepare for such a potentially life-changing audition? Well, in a word, practice.
So back to the list, if you were doing “the math” that’s five songs to get “performance ready”. I have read at least 20 articles about artists who auditioned and did and didn’t make it and artists who chose not to go to Los Angeles though they were chosen for one reason or another. I have read tons of blogs about what people who have auditioned and made it past the blinds have done.. but at the end of the day, the only thing I can be responsible for is what I do to prepare. So I teamed up with my truly awesome vocal coach and we prepped, and prepped and I feel ready. This time, I didn’t just prepare the one song, I prepared all five and they are ready to go. It’s scary to even type that, because what if.. what if…. The very act of preparing FIVE songs, not just the one or even two means I am letting myself walk out in belief that this MIGHT actually happen!
First things first, I updated my DREAM board (Thank you SUSIE!) with a picture of me singing for the coaches on the “Voice” with special attention to “Adam Levine” – A long time aficionado of Maroon Five, I have favored him as my coach from the inception of the show, and I continually nod my head in agreement with what he says as he coaches his current team, often remarking to my husband, “That’s my coach, right there!” It’s heady stuff to think about it, and I realize it’s a VERY VERY long shot but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. Here’s the thing about the dream board you see, almost everything on it, has come to fruition in the years since I created it. (special thanks to Ryan Avery who says “DREAM BIG” and this is advice I take to heart)
Music is very, very, very important to me and my family. I sing to my daughter all the time, sometimes in English, sometimes in French. Let’s face it, there would be no daughter without my supportive and talented husband.
It is because I love to sing that I even met him.
So to say music important to the Haston family is a strong understatement
The very first time I ever did karaoke, it reawakened in me the desire for performing, which had lain dormant for many years. I started going to karaoke and singing. I was in a few plays but nothing musical, my strength is 80’s hits and something you might hear on Broadway, as well as some current artists but mostly I trend towards standards by people like Bette Midler and her ilk, so you know.. no pressure.
With help of a talented music coach, I branched out and learned how to sing several different genres including opera.
I got my first singing part with Gilbert and Sullivan Society of Austin’s production of “H.M.S. Pinafore” in the Summer of 2006. I was asked to be in the chorus and loved it, It was hard work and extremely rewarding and I added opera to the genres of songs I sing.
I kept singing and then my husband, then fiance (we were planning the wedding) we heard about this show, “The Voice” that was going to be on tv, we said that’s cool, it should be fun to watch. As we heard more about it, and watched the first season, one of the commercials talked about auditions and we both got excited and decided to audition in August 2011 (right after our wedding) and I made the mistake that time of singing a song but changing the phrasing and it did not go well for me. The second time I auditioned was in Austin, in July 2013, and I met some awesome people in line (she is actually auditioning again too!) – The third time I auditioned, I drove to Houston to stand in line with over 9,000 people in cold and blustery (did I mention it was outside?) and I sang “Maybe this Time” from Cabaret, (gotta love the irony!) – I posted on the blog about that one and then when they sent out the email saying that auditions were in Austin again, I got excited all over again and reached out to some of my other very talented friends to ask if they were auditioning too. I know what you are thinking.. why? would you tell other people and thus lower your chances to get picked? Here’s my thoughts on that, If I am meant to get picked for this season that won’t stop anyone else I tell about who subsequently auditions from getting picked.
Remember, dear readers, my mission in life is to inspire one person at a time.. What if my telling them gets them to go audition and they make it? How awesome would that be?
Of course I hope I make it.. you don’t work this hard or prepare this much to just do it “for fun”.
Why am I telling you all this? Well, maybe just maybe, so it will inspire you to shoot for the moon and go for something that seems big and scary. What do you have to lose?
I guess the better question is, what do you have to gain?
I have a confession to make. Until tonight, I didn’t know how to make an omelette.
I came home and was hungry for an omelette or as my good friend and fellow castmate says “Omelette-a” – I was starting to make it, and my husband said, “Do you know how to make an omelette?” I thought about it and realized, no, I actually don’t.
I pulled the eggs out and grabbed some butter and was contemplating just doing scrambled eggs when my husband asked, Do you want me to teach you?
So I said as much and Jeremy, (sweet man that he is, showed me how) – In case you don’t know how.. it involves eggs, and several ingredients put together and heat and butter.
I watched him show me how to put the eggs together and cook the eggs and add the cheese and bacon, and I now know how to do it. YAY ME!
Okay, not really, because he showed me how, I haven’t actually tried it yet, that’s for later, but as I watched him show me how to do something after a very long day of taking care of our daughter, and the laundry and the groceries and the trash, and he still took the time to patiently and calmly show me how to do something. You should know, I hate not knowing how to do something, and even more, I hate admitting I don’t know how to do something but in this moment, and this time, I was just grateful to be shown how.
Maybe it’s because I am getting older, maybe I am getting more mellow with age.. but whatever is causing it, I am planning to embrace it, and next, finally learn how to change my tire, my oil and other things I have been afraid to admit I don’t know how to do.
Why? Why is it so hard to admit we don’t know something? There was a time I didn’t know how to walk, and I learned how to do that eventually. My daughter is learning to crawl right now, she isn’t there yet and I am trying really hard to observe the progression and applaud it without stressing and asking “WHEN IS SHE GOING TO CRAWL ALREADY….?- I find it’s like this at every stage. She held her head up very early, but I stressed a lot about when she would roll over.. and she does roll over from her stomach to her back, but not her back to her stomach … yet… she is close, going to do it any day now, I know it.. but back to the non crawling..
She scoots and moves backwards and can turn herself all the way around, it’s quite something to watch, so in her life right now, she doesn’t know how to crawl, but she will, and she doesn’t know how to walk yet, but she will.
So realizing that I am stubborn about this, opens the door for me to work on it, and that is something I think we can all learn to do.
If you are interested in watching my show and are not in Austin, guess what? You can….. Through the magic of the internet, you can watch it as it happens on howlround…
Here is the link, it’s happening tomorrow night!!! 8pmCST
My Big Fat Bahookie
April 21 – May 6, 2017
Conceived and Written by Lorella Loftus
Presented by Renaissance Austin in association with The VORTEX
Live Streaming April 28 at 8pm CST on howlround.com/tv
Also, I am super excited that I am being given the opportunity to host the “Vortex Connects” post show discussions being held after the show this Saturday and next Friday! It’s a great chance to hear from our audience to find out what they are thinking and feeling about what they have just seen!
For those of you in Austin, you can get your tickets here-we have shows tomorrow, Saturday, Sunday and then again next week, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday.
This is one of my favourite lines in the show I am in opening on Friday. First of all, I still am so excited to be in a show after such a long hiatus, The show is called, “My Big Fat Bahookie” -There are many I like from the show, AND this one helps set the tone… I am very tired because this week is aptly named “Hell Week” in the business.
Also known as tech week, it’s when all the elements of sound, light and costume bring to bear all the hard work of memorization and blocking and it’s really quite something. No matter how many times it happens or I am part of it, whether it’s directing, stage managing or acting — It’s quite the magical experience to see it all come together.. but back to the show….
As has been discussed in recent posts, I have been really enjoying this process and being part of this cast has really helped me to embrace my body (all of it, including my bahookie) and really stand tall and proud to be the weight that I am, the size that I am, the shape that I am.
Being part of this show, has helped me to really exorcise some deeply rooted demons about my own self-worth and the things I say about myself. It has completely changed my relationship with food and helped me to reframe how I talk to myself about myself. I no longer say I am fat, I say, I am sexy and miracle of miracles, I believe it too!
If you read my blog and you live in Austin, or in the nearby environs — check out the show.. here is the link- To check out what all the fuss is about.. check out this link to buy your tickets
If you are not in Austin, and a follower of my blog, first.. again, I thank you, I really appreciate your eyes and ears and hearts and minds, I consider it a great privilege to share my life with you, and thank you for listening.
Second, The Vortex will be doing a live stream so mark your calendars!
April 28th 8pm CST-
here is the link
Live Streaming April 28 at 8pm CST on howlround.com/tv
Also, back to you, my dear reader-
The message of the show is to love yourself just as you are, AND just because you love yourself as you are, does not preclude you from going to the gym or losing weight if YOU want to..
The key to that phrase is YOU, and YOU embrace who you are, and what you are and what you want – don’t let ANYONE else try to tell you what you can or can’t do or what you can and can’t be. Trust yourself, love yourself and embrace yourself!
Think about it…
I sure hope you will attend or tune in and and join in the body love fun!
I had occasion recently to speak with a good friend and we were both talking about how much we value each other as friends, and how much spending time together helps to support us in our goals and we feel increased as a result of the interaction.
We don’t see each other every day, AND when we do, it’s never enough time, but we are both busy people so we take what we can get. This can be as little as 5 minutes and as much as an hour or more.
My time is finite and as a result, I have to be very selective with what I do and how I spend my time. Especially now that I have a child. While on that topic, I do feel compelled to say, I am a mother but that is not all I am. I am a wife, mother, friend, aunt, coach, sister, niece, actor etc… – I wear a lot of hats and am not defined by just one of them, thank you.
I am the same person I was. Yes, some things have changed, but I still get excited about foamy soap and rock star parking. I still love to sing and dance and perform. I definitely think being a parent is making me more patient, little by little. Then on other days I feel like I have no patience at all.
One thing is for sure, I plan to spend time with people who add to my life, not subtract from it. I said it before, “Surround yourself with people who want to be in your circle” and it’s still true now.
Do you add to people or subtract from them?
It’s not as simple as being positive or negative, it’s literally the act of supporting and encouraging each other in your goals, we can all use another cheerleader and one less naysayer.
Dear Readers,
Dear Readers,
