Conflict is inevitable, Drama is a choice.

Dear Readers,

I heard this on a podcast the other day and I can’t get it out of my head.

“Conflict is inevitable, Drama is a choice” – Chris BrownDramaChoice

In life, we WILL have conflict because we interact with people and they have their own agenda, feelings and thoughts about a given situation (just like we do!)

So many things inform this, different personality types, feelings and thoughts, background and childhood and personal life experience “They reacted this way last time so of course they will react that way this time”

Take me for example, I grew up in a household that when you spoke you were disregarded so I found the need to talk more and more and more and somehow I got it into my head that “quiet” or “no communication” means someone is angry. This is really unfortunate for me because I chose to marry a “processor”. My partner really likes to think about things and just because he is NOT talking does not mean he is mad at me. I have spent so many needless hours worried about it and actually asking him about it and having him reassure me, “no, nothing is wrong” so much so that I think I have actually CAUSED there to be an issue. Right there, I caused drama where there was none. Yes, there was conflict, but there was NO need for drama-

In some ways, that was part of my work life as well, until I took a long hard look at it and realized, Silence is just that, silence. It is not bad or wrong or the portent of something horrible. I have a pretty vivid imagination so I can take a very little amount of silence and transform it into something really ominous. In reality, I have to trust that people around me will own their feelings and not expect me to be a mind reader when they share the responsibility in the relationship to share how they feel if there is a problem. By the way, this post is not directed at anyone, I want to make that clear.

My personality is such that I am usually smiling and saying hi and am more apt to say hi or how are you doing?  As such, it is my tendency to talk a lot and that is my way, but its really important for me to honor and realize not everyone else is like me so they choose to communicate differently. It is not wrong because it is not my way, it is simply not my way.

Think about it…..

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