Dear Readers, some of you know this and some of you do not.
I am 26 weeks pregnant as of today, which is exciting and terrifying all at once. It will be a completely different blog to tell you about how I am feeling about impending motherhood.. stay tuned for that one!
I am ready and I am not ready to be a mom. I guess that is why you get 40 weeks or so to prepare. As has been touched on previously, I like to plan, and I really like to KNOW what is coming.. but with a baby.. you don’t, I mean how could you.. so with this pregnancy, I have gone out of my way to keep the information flow very slow and measured. I have read exactly 5 chapters of “The Happiest Baby on the Block” and I consult a website to see what my baby “should” be up to each week.. size, lung capacity, heart and brain development and so on.. but trying super hard to not overload myself with information that I can’t do anything about.
As someone who enjoys planning and knowing what’s coming… it’s extremely difficult to not know…… so I have likened it to being a stage manager (which I have done many times) for a production that you can’t see or hear (which I haven’t done ) but you KNOW it’s going on… – the clues are in the tiredness (seriously, I thought I knew what tired was and then I got pregnant. I have craved exactly two things.. Peanut butter and milk and that was in the first few months, those cravings have disappeared.
For a long time in this pregnancy, I didn’t feel pregnant, (really right up until last Sunday when I felt her move in my belly for the first time) well that isn’t exactly true.. because how can you possibly know what it is to “feel pregnant” as opposed to “not feel pregnant”- As far as I can tell it varies from person to person.. For more on that, talk to the pregnant people you know, or the mom’s you know, for me I have been shocked at how disparate the experience is for women. Some have morning sickness, some don’t. Some have food cravings, some have food aversions, some have horrible acne, some have the clearest skin ever… the list goes on….
So as far as I can tell, the question, “what’s next?” is the most frequent one..I am getting asked- it doesn’t always sound like that.. what it sounds like is.. “are you having a boy or girl?” “what name have you picked out”? etc.. and on and on.. these questions are concentrated on medical stuff too.. like next month, I have to take a glucose test to see if my child has gestational diabetes.. I am hoping that she does not have it, but if she does, we will deal with it. It does me no good to WORRY about it, because worrying about it changes nothing. The next thing is what is her weight? what is her height? Is she growing in proportion like she is supposed to? All these questions before she even takes her first breath– How exhausting!!
So something I have been trying to do as I head into the final trimester is live in the grateful place. I could be complaining about the constant itching ( I mean literally my entire body from head to toe itches..( coconut oil is helping with that, thanks Durbin) or the swollen ankles (which remind me of a time I was eating a lot of Chinese food) which aren’t bad just inconvenient.. or I could complain about waking up a few times a night now or that it takes me longer to do things..(getting dressed, putting on shoes, walking, finding a comfortable position to sleep in, to name but a few) but I am trying not to do that.. (could it be that my little girl is teaching me patience as she grows?) —But I choose not to, I am focusing on being grateful that I am pregnant because this time last year, I was very sad that I was not pregnant and didn’t have any of these symptoms. To me the lesson here is, live in the moment you are in, stop trying to guess what comes next and “breathe in” what’s going on right now!
So what’s next? I have no idea.. and for the first time, EVER I am okay with that.
I saw a great quote today which actually helped inspire this blog.
If you are depressed, you are living in the Past. If you are anxious, living in the future. If you are at peace you are living in the moment. – Lao Tzu
To living in the moment—-
Think About It!