When I was in my 20’s.. I loved the word the sorry and said it all the time. I felt apologetic most of the time, I also spent lots of time “checking in” to be sure people (friends and family) were not “mad” at me. Mad could mean, not talking very often or less connection. In my 30’s I started to realize how much we use it and don’t REALLY mean it.
Remember the words we use matter so now approaching my 40’s I find it important to REALLY mean “sorry” when I say, “I am sorry”- So here is the definition to get us all on the same page-
Merriam Webster defines sorry as: feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence
Now, think about the last time you said sorry.. “Sorry I haven’t called, I have been busy” or “Sorry about not taking the trash out” or “Sorry, I can’t make it to your party/happy hour/event” — Ask yourself, did you really feel sorrow or regret or is it a knee jerk social construct that we are all so locked into that we don’t even know when we are saying it ?
I HATE that “sorry not sorry” thing that has grown in popularity, and I truly think that it has grown out of how much we are saying sorry when it is not really necessary.
There are plenty of times when we are duty bound to apologize. It’s not really that often, I hope, and I definitely know when I have screwed up, and it’s time to apologize.
I can’t speak for any of you of course, I can only tell you about my experience.
This post was inspired by some conversations and text messages that have been sent my way of late. A prime example of when a “sorry” is not needed if you and I are friends and we are both busy and can’t connect at this moment, I don’t need or want, “sorry” What I want is a promise to reconnect or a hi, wish we could talk, looks like you are busy. (all true statements). What is the point, you may ask?
Simple. Please think about how often you say sorry (examples above are not exhaustive) and then the next time you think you will say it, stop and think about it… is it really necessary for you to feel sorrow, regret or penitence?
Think about it…..