I am on a crusade to stop judgment and comparison.
Join me, won’t you?
It’s easy, all we have to do is stop judging ourselves and each other. Okay, it’s not easy but it is simple. Right now, I am working REALLY hard on the first part, but it came as a BIG surprise to me this week, that the second part is pretty hard as well.
If you are anything like me, you don’t MEAN to judge people, you are a good and kind person, (most of the time) you help people when they ask for it, you might even give cash when you have it to a homeless person and you aren’t an evil person, but it’s hard NOT to compare because when you think about how babies occur in the universe, it’s “how big was he/she when born?” “boy or girl” “tall or short” “fat or thin”- Is she crawling yet? “Is she walking yet?” I was thinking about all this when I set out to write this post today..
Stop comparing. Stop it, just stop. It’s a big goal and sometimes feels impossible but it’s not. I view it as vital and as a way to help my fellow mom or dad enjoy their child and not compare them to one another.
It’s instantaneous and insiduous. The second that you find yourself in a conversation with another parent who does “parenting” differently than you do, e.g. “bedtime, that seems a little “early/late” you start to feel it, it creeps up your spine and starts to trickle in to your brain and you start to wonder.. Well should I do/think/worry about our daughter because…. this other person just told me about what they do. No. If you take nothing else away from this post at least take this statement. Your child was born with an embedded timeline, they will do things on that timeline, so try not to compare or worry when you find out your child is not crawling yet, but the same aged child down the block is doing it and has been for a few days, relax, your child will get there.
Now don’t get me wrong, conversations about what you do and don’t do as a parent or even as a wife and mother can be great, cleansing even.. just don’t let the conversation turn into a comparison marathon.
Today is great example, I got some advice from another mother about teething, I can’t wait to try what they suggested to try to help our little girl. Just a week or so, I would have avoided that conversation because I wouldn’t want to admit I need help and this is hard. But today, a simple question, “how is your day going?” led to, “I am actually pretty tired because this morning at 3am Vivienne woke up wailing because she is in pain or having a nightmare or we don’t know what, just not happy and not consolable. We are spoiled rotten because typically she sleeps through the night, but last night this was not the case.”
The other person asking was a mother and sympathized and said, I remember those days, tough on mom and baby- here’s what I do, try it and good luck. I sighed and said, “thank you”.. see it was that simple no judgment, no comparison, one mother helping another out. I instantly felt better, and not judged.
You don’t have to be a Mom or Dad to feel this by the way, I post a I do every Friday where I say, what my High Friday is.. and I always have a least one person say, ”
I can’t compete with that… and then I explain.. no comparison here, tell us what you are grateful or or excited about. I think we could stand to do that more every day and that’s exactly what I am working toward.
What can you do to help me in my crusade to STOP THE COMPARING?
Think About It…….