Four little words..with a lot of meaning…at least to us….
A few weeks ago I posted on my blog about a fight my husband and I were having.
It should be noted, I got his permission to write a post about it. It would be a really good way to start another fight if I posted about something and didn’t talk to him first and that’s kind of the opposite of what I am going for in our marriage.
I hate fighting with him, it’s scary and tense and it really SUCKS out loud. A lot of that has to do with my no-good horrible family of origin, AND I have worked really hard to overcome that. I have mostly done so, AND it is a work in progress.
This particular fight did lead us to better understanding of what we want for our marriage and what we want for each other.
A few days after that he came home with some dry erase markers and when I looked up there was a message on our bathroom mirror and it said, “I love you because you did the dishes”. A simple message expressing his thanks. In one minute, I felt appreciated, loved and cherished with just one phrase. It may help you to know, my love language is words of appreciation. His love language is acts of service.
It doesn’t have to be action based. It can be, “I love you because.. you are silly” or
“I love you because you make me laugh harder than anyone ever has”. It’s important to express love is expressed for what someone does and who they are.
I have tried a few different things over the years to help us be intentional in our marriage. I have read some books, other people’s blogs and watched speeches and listened to podcasts. We are incredibly blessed to have a good marriage AND we work at it. I have written a few things about it as well, but the truth is, as simple as this may seem, it is working for us.
I write messages on the mirror and he does too, when the mood strikes.. and there is no pressure to post every day so I think that is one of the reasons why it works.
I decided to post this because I thought it might help one of you.
My call to action to you? Find what works for you and your partnership, maybe you can write messages down in a notebook, or notes on the refrigerator. Maybe you can put notes in his/her lunch. Maybe you are overdue for a date night.
You may not know what they want or what will make them feel appreciated.
That’s a possible opening for a conversation about what they may want but are not getting from you. It can be scary yes, but maybe just maybe, you will come away from that discussion with a greater understanding of your partner and what they want, but most importantly, they will know you want to work on your relationship. It could be the mirror thing works for you too.
So the question is now, what will you DO, after you…
Think About it.