Use your voice to stand against racism.

StandAgainstRacism.pngDear Readers,

I am saddened and dismayed at the events that unfolded on Saturday in Charlottesville.

I am not surprised because since Trump has taken office, there has been one atrocity after another. It’s so easy for me to type that and dismiss it like it’s this annoying fly that won’t go away because of my white privilege. Let’s go ahead and deal with the elephant in the room. This white woman is writing about racism even though she has never experienced it herself.

I can’t say I understand what my friends who are not white are going through because I don’t know. I only know they are in pain, so anyone reading this who is in pain, please hear me. “I am with you, you are not alone and I see you”

No, I don’t know your pain, how could I possibly? I am not you.

Saying that isn’t enough, not nearly enough, there needs to be action behind the words, so that we can all love each other a little bit more and pump more kindness into the world.

So, that’s a tall order and I know you must be thinking, but Jennifer, I am one person what can I do? A lot actually. You can stop looking at your phone and look up at people when you are in the elevator, you can talk to your neighbor, yeah I am aware it’s 2017 and “this just isn’t done” Do it anyway. If you know your neighbors, you are already on your way to strengthening your community, then once you meet your neighbors, hold a block party and get to know your neighborhood and so on…

Do you have a church you love? Find out what your church is doing to help people of different races feel safe and protected. If they aren’t doing something, ask them why and volunteer to start it yourself. Don’t wait for someone else to speak up, use YOUR voice, and say, I want to help.

There is no need to reinvent the wheel, if you look around in your city, county and district, you can likely plug into something someone else is doing.

Standing against it, is just one step. When you see it happening, you have to say something. You have to stand and be counted on the right side of history.

When it comes to teaching our little girl about people who are different than she is, I plan to tell her, love all people and do your best to be a helper to all people.   That’s my opening salvo, I am open to other things to say, much more eloquent than that, so please if you have suggestions, lay them on me. In the meantime, I am not just writing or talking, I am doing something.

The revolution is what’s next. I am ready to act. Are you?

ac·tiv·ist
ˈaktivəst/
noun
  1. 1.
    a person who campaigns to bring about political or social change.

The truth is, the tagline of my blog is “No one has a voice like you” and it’s true, no one does. No one tells your stories exactly the same way you do, and has your life experiences that add to the color and flavor of your story.

Own that story (as Brene Brown tells us) and keep listening to other people tell theirs and don’t try to cut them off with sympathy because you FEEL uncomfortable. Be there, be uncomfortable.

Don’t wait for this atrocity to happen in your city.

ACT. ACT NOW.

Before you speak, T.H.I.N.K.!

ThinkaboutitDear Readers,

Thank you all for the heartfelt wishes, prayers and good vibes you sent our way as we waited for our daughter’s test results from the endocrinologist.

For those who missed my update, all is normal, no chemical abnormalities exist so I guess I can stop worrying. HA! As if that is even possible. I am a parent, I believe it goes with the territory to worry about your child. But seriously, I am glad that there was such a strong reaction to my last post because as I read your comments, questions and viewpoints it helped me crystallize what I want to say even more.

I don’t think people mean to be mean about anything really, they just don’t THINK before they tweet, instagram, post on facebook or comment.

T    H      I    N     K                                      T    H      I    N     K                        T    H      I    N     K

Is it True? Perception is truth  – I think Gandhi said that – so this could get a little wooly, but I think it’s a worthwhile to ask yourself, is what I am about to say, True? or do I think it’s true but maybe it’s not ?

Is it Helpful? – Be careful with this one, sometimes “Help” masquerades as helpful but what it is really is bossy or controlling.

Is it Inspiring? Ouch. How often is what we say, not inspiring? Our words have so much power, we can lift or we push down, let’s be sure we are doing our best to lift others not bring them down.

Is it Necessary? To add to this, is it necessary that you say it or is it maybe what someone else should say if you will give some space for them to do it, instead of jumping in (I am very guilty of this one)  And I am working on it. I freely admit that I love to talk, and sometimes I will say something that isn’t necessary to fill silence. Silence can be good. Magical things happen in silence.

Lastly and I think most importantly-

Is it Kind? I don’t have to tell you gentle reader, we can all use just as much kindness as we can get our hands on in our current climate. For a long time, I have concerned myself with being nice, but a few months ago, a friend pointed out that nice is not what she aspired to be, but kind. I like that and continue to strive for that label.

I have posted recently about some fights my partner and I have been having. It’s normal, and we are working our way through it. I was trying to pinpoint a cause or an inciting incident of the frequency of our fights and I think that it all stems a sincere lack of kindness with each other.  Not mean, exactly, but not kind. I came to this conclusion recently so hopefully it is the answer, but what I am finding is that there is not just one answer but many and like life, you can’t look at the back of the book for the answers, you must figure it out as you go. Trying some things and watching them fail, and then trying again, hopefully this time figuring out where you went wrong and doing it better that tenth or eleventh time.

In the meantime, dear reader, I invite you to…

Think about it… and while you think about it, it’s not a bad idea to jump in on the 31 Days of Kindness my buddy Ryan Avery is doing and DO something yourself!   #31DaysofKindness (check it out)

Tomorrow is Day 9-

DAY 9 – Give/send someone a small, anonymous gift
Of course receiving gifts on birthdays and holidays are fun but even better is a random gift for no reason! You could look up someone’s ‘wishlist’ on Amazon and send them something. You could leave a coffee gift card on your coworkers desk. You could also buy a small something, leave it in a park with a note saying “For you!”

I think that is a pretty kind gesture so even if you just do tomorrow’s task, that would be better than nothing, right?

Think About it….

 

Please stop telling me my baby is fat…

ViviandMommyAugust2017

 

I will say it again, because I have been quiet about this for too long. That ends now.

Please stop telling me my baby is fat.

Please stop saying she is chunky or chubby or roly poly or “look at the little fat rolls” or or saying things to comment on her body size and shape.

So, I have thought long and hard about this post. I realize people do NOT have malicious intent when they say these mindless things and they can’t know how painful each comment is because I don’t tell them, I just smile and say nothing.

Dying inside, because they can’t possibly know that our little girl has had rapid weight gain since she was born, and no matter what we do, she keeps gaining too much weight. Our pediatricatian has had us cut back her formula and add solid foods in hopes that there would be more empty calories which would cause her to lose weight. After a few months of this, she has now sent us to an endocrinologist to try to find out what’s going on and to hopefully get some answers. We had to get her blood drawn last Wednesday and are awaiting results.

Maybe it’s nothing, maybe she is just large for her age (she was 11 pounds 8 ounces when she was born) and after she starts walking the pounds will come right off. Maybe she is producing too much growth hormone and we will have to give her medicine for it.

I don’t know. I do know I don’t want to have to explain to you why I burst into tears or fall quiet when you call my child chubby.

It certainly could have something to do with the fact that I was called chubby or fat most of my life, and it’s only now at 40 years old I have come to terms with the fact that I am the shape that I am and it is beautiful.

I desperately want to avoid that for her. I want her to be healthy and happy and love herself just as she is. The lesson I hope to impart to her is that it is a good idea to eat well and exercise and to eat a cookie or candy bar here and there, everything in moderation.

That’s how I approach my eating and health and what I hope to teach her. I am likely getting way ahead of myself here, since the her in question is 10 months old today and not even talking yet, but you have to think about these things when you are a parent. They are always watching you, and as the saying goes, “More is caught than taught, so that is why when she was born, I agreed to no longer say mean things about my body and do all I could to love my whole self and no longer think of myself as “fat” but rather curvaceous, voluptuous, and lush.

I want to be CRYSTAL clear here.  This does not preclude me from working on my body in the hope that I can build healthy habits that I can pass on to my daughter someday.

In order to do that, I have to “begin as I mean to continue” so that means I have to form the habit myself so that is why I swim. It makes me feel good, is low impact on my knees and back. I also get a “kickstart” to my day that caffeine can’t come close to touching.

Back to my point, please don’t call my child (or any child for that matter) chubby or chunky — instead maybe comment on her smile or how smart she seems or her hair or her outfit. I would imagine the parents with children who are “skinny” get tired of hearing those comments too, “feed that kid a sandwich!” “Doesn’t mommy feed you? (actually overheard at the store, the woman’s reacton was to start nursing so well played to her) so think before you say something about the size and shape of a child you see. I know, it seems harmless and you really aren’t trying to hurt my feelings or upset me, but unfortunately that doesn’t lessen the impact of your words.

This article referenced from Huffington Post actually spells it out pretty well-

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/sarah-koppelkam/body-image_b_3678534.html

One of my favourite passages is this one-

“How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one:

Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.”

 

Think About It.

8/3/2017 Update- Thank you ALL for your prayers, comments and well wishes! We heard back from the doctor- no issues with her hormone production, we have a follow up with the pediatrician next week to get a weight check and find out if we are on track.