Wonder in the Waiting…

Dear Readers,

Today I found myself in a situation with which I am painfully familiar.

Waiting.

The positive affirmation part of me wants to spin this and dismiss the frustration I am feeling but I am not sure people are always served by spin so here is the truth. Waiting is hard, it sucks, and it’s an inevitable part of life.

Now for a planner like me, this is frustrating. Even if you aren’t a planner like me, I think waiting as a rule sucks.

So, I will tell you that I have a great opportunity coming to me in the future, but I don'[t have all the details AND, me being me, I still have to plan for it.

However as I have chronicled on this blog, since becoming a parent, I realize how important it is to be flexible and realize that the “plan” is not always the thing.

Then again, as a director, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got (thanks Bob Tolaro) was to work backwards from opening night so that is exactly what I am planning to do.

So bearing that in mind, I can plan for the event without knowing all the details.

The part of me that wants to spin is taking over now, so listen up.

There is definitely wonder in the waiting. Our pastor often talks about when you are anxious about something or “waiting” that you should look back on times that you felt the same and watched God deliver. It’s an excellent exercise to remind you to be grateful.

So I think back to other times I have “waited”.

When my parents were busy neglecting me and not caring that they had a flesh and blood human to care about, I waited for them to notice and care that I was hurting.

They didnt. God put other people in my path that have truly shown me what love is and I call them family. God delivered, and I am immensely grateful.

When my boyfriend asked me to move in, I waited for him to change. He didn’t.

I eventually broke up with him because in the waiting for him to change, I realized I deserved WAY better than I was currently settling for and God definitely delivered. My husband, is not perfect, but he is perfect for me.

While we waited to get married, we spent time waiting ( 2 years as we planned and paid for the wedding )  I waited with great excitement and impatience for that day and it was truly wonderful. God delivered and then some. I can’t imagine a more beautiful wedding than ours. More than that, I have a loving partner and a strong marriage that we work on daily.

I remember waiting to have a child. I remember praying and hoping and waiting and I remember feeling so sad and lost when I miscarried.

One sentence doesn’t really do that justice so I have to say it still hurts the think about the baby we lost.  In the waiting there was pain, loss, and anger. I remember praying to God again and waiting again and wondering if God would answer this time. My faith was strengthened when we discovered we were pregnant again and I spent some time being scared because for 25 weeks, I could not feel her move. The doctors saw it on the machines and all the numbers said she was there, but until I felt her move, I didn’t really believe it. Then when I held her in my arms for the first time, I didn’t really believe it and now each day goes by and she does another adorable thing that I can’t even really explain why it’s adorable but it is to me, I realized there is wonder in the waiting.

I find myself at it again, waiting for her to talk, sure she babbles, but no real connection to the words, and here is a great point. I get to wonder what she will say when she says her first word. I get to wonder what her favourite word will be and how often it will change. I get to wonder what she is thinking and watch and wait for her to communicate it.  So just for now, I am going to do my best to focus on the wonder and less on the waiting.

How about you, dear reader? Is there something in your life you are waiting for? Is there an option to ponder the wonder instead?

Think About It.

 

 

 

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