STOP THE PRESSES! Wait… Is that news? I don’t think it is. I think that anyone reading that says..
Yeah, we know. I know this too. I live with it every day. I don’t mean that to sound as dramatic as it inevitably does. There is a lot of good to marriage, it’s not all work but it’s definitely not all fun and games either. I think at it’s core, it’s REALLY hard to always think about another person first. When you start out as selfish as I was, that’s especially hard. I am a very selfish person at heart, I have to work pretty hard to overcome it.
I went into it with my eyes wide open and willing to do that work and it’s still hard.
Sometimes when we fight, I wonder, why are we fighting? We love each other this should be easy…. then I have to remind myself…
Whoa.. who said it would be easy? No one. No one said it would be easy. People said it would be worth it, but no one said it would be easy.
A few weeks ago, I posted about how important it is to run your own race, and not think about the people ahead of you or behind you for that matter, it’s your race so you run your race.
So to that end, I am going to talk about the fact that Jeremy and I have spent the last 8 or 9 months really re-focusing on being a couple and reminding ourselves why we like each other. We have a few role models who have been married for over 40 years so again, the reminder is to not compare, this is just our story. We do a lot of things to help us build the best marriage we can. We often ask other long married couples their advice and what their biggest struggle is. We read books and other people’s blogs and stories.
(most notably) The Gottman Institute-
Going to link his article about horses here– Trust me, it’s worth a read-
One of the sweetest and smartest things my sweet husband did for us is buy some Dry Erase markers and put them in the bathroom and write “I Love You Because….” on our bathroom mirror. It is there to remind us to point out something nice one of us did for the other. Sometimes it’s sweet, sometimes it’s silly but it’s always wonderful to read and feel that special notice.
He changes the shower setting to what I like and I do the same for him. He does all the grocery shopping (a Herculean task I want no part of) He has come up with recipes week after week and year after year so we have healthy food to eat. He stays up late to talk with me when I know he is super tired and just wants to sleep.
We have a game we play when we “date” each other. Occasionally, we will call each other different names and it’s just a fun way to remember how we started just two people who kind of liked each other.. well really, we didn’t like each other at all, and didn’t plan to date ANYONE but then we met each other and the rest is history.
If I compare us then to now…….. *here’s a visual aid*
I had no idea that my life would be what it is today, no idea that this smart and funny guy who smoked and hated cats would be the love of my life, but that is exactly what happened.
Today, away from work, away from parenting, we were able to just enjoy each other and I was reminded that he is so much fun to be with and laugh with and in the ups and downs and just “life” of it all, that’s easy to forget. I need to make sure to keep thinking of things we can do to “date” each other for as long as we both shall live.
This isn’t isolated to marriage. This can be applied to any relationship you care about.
It’s work, but hopefully, it’s a labor you love.
Think About It.