Progress not Perfection… Really? Really.

Dear Readers,

Last week I made a post about the importance that of connection.

Ideally, that means ALL the time, but as I pointed out last week, we are so busy with life, work, school and you name it, you are probably busy with it!

So the goal is 9 minutes a day with your child partner or both.

The first three minutes when they wake up.

The first three minutes when you pick them up from school.

The last three minutes before bed.

I got really excited about this because it sounded easy.

”Beware things that seem easy, they will actually challenge you the most” – Professor Haston

So I am here to humbly report the failure to achieve perfection of this goal last week. To steal a phrase from my improv days, “I FAILED”

And, I did make progress. Not the first day,  I had plans so I only got to see her during one of those times, I had dinner with my family, so I was able to “Mom” “Wife” and “Friend” YAY! Jeremy cooked and I thanked him and helped him feed her. Tuesday I was super tired from the day so I did not do anything to make those three minutes special with husband or child. Wednesday, I had an unexpected (hello life!)) errand that I had to run and that caused me to just have bedtime and We read her book and tucked her in so progress.  On Thursday, when I picked her up from Dad’a work, (he picked her up from school) I asked her how her day was and asked, “Are you ready to go?” and I waited and from the backseat, came a decidedly strong, “GO”

Great moment!!!!!

All this to say, I made progress last week, and it’s hard. It may seem like I am being hard on myself, but really I am not. I am saying what happened and what I want to be different about what happened.

That’s gathering data, and experimenting with better ways to connect with the people who matter most.

For example, today, I came home and totally forgot about those three minutes right when I got home. I had battled traffic and was not in the greatest of moods so I changed into my mommy clothes and came back out in a far better mood, so THEN I was able to connect better with my family.

Better connection to others starts with you being more in tune with you.

Before those all important three minutes, check YOUR emotional temperature. Are you filled up or do you need a little extra self-care before giving to others?

Put another way, the first time you do something, you are pretty much guaranteed to suck at it. So “embrace the suck” (like Brené Brown says) and do it badly, but don’t let that stop you from ACTUAL progress in the pursuit of perfection.

Think About It.

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(Above- Child dismantles room instead of napping) she is quite pleased with herself)  Definitely not perfect…

 

Three Times A Day For Better Connection!

Dear Readers,

As a manager of people, including my child, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to connect with people in the hustle and bustle of the daily messages and busyness of life because of course the goal is spending as many “connected” moments as you can have with your kid or partner, and we all have lives to live and jobs to do, so you have to pick your moments. A few months ago, I was doing some of this “ways to connect” research and found this article which discusses three key points to better connect with ( a child) or perhaps a partner.

Ready? Here it is!

In a nutshell?

You can VASTLY improve your relationships 9 minutes a day, 3 minutes at a time.

3 minutes at the start of the day (when you first wake up)

Those first 3 minutes when they or you get home from work/school.

The last three minutes before bed.

Don’t take my word for it, here is some more tips from the source.

The Nine Minutes that have the Greatest Impact

I have a confession, I am not tge most patient person in the world. I am not even the second most patient person in the world. I am likely the 11,119th patient person in the world. All of this to say, I work on being patient every day, and some days, I am GREAT at it, and some days I am REALLY bad at it, and I am reminded of something our doctor told us.

“I have two kids and I mess up ALL  the time. I tell them, “Mommy is working on that, and she is having a hard time”

That stopped me in my tracks, I mean this was my doctor, who is a pediatrician! She takes care of kids for a LIVING! So if she screws up, and admits it, what makes me think I am going to be better.

However, nine minutes a day? I can do that! It’s tangible, it’s concrete and it’s something I can do. I chose these pictures below because each one represents a moment of connection or truly “being there” and connecting with my partner or my child.

Maybe your relationships are perfect and you don’t need tweaks or connection tips, but I highly doubt that this wouldn’t improve even the best of relationships.

Do you think it might help yours?

Think About It.

Lean into Joy, not Impostor Syndrome, that guy sucks!

Dear Readers!

I am excited to share with you that I have moved to a new company and a new role!

Ripe with possibility and challenge! I am doing my best to feel it all, and experience it all.

Brené Brown says, “Lean into the joy” or “’ What we do in moments of joyfulness is, we try to beat vulnerability to the punch”

Impostor syndrome or as it’s alternately named, Vulnerability threatens to overtake my joy.

ImpostorSyndrome -“Hey, Jennifer, Why would you choose to do something new, what makes you think you can do that?

Me- Oh Hi!  You are right on schedule! You are here to tell me all the things I am scared of, glad to see you are consistent, every time I do something new and different you show up. My studies and experience tells me that “FEAR” only shows up when you are doing something that matters, so thanks for showing me I am on the right track!

Oh, wouldn’t it be nice if that’s how it really went? That’s actually my fantasy of how it goes…

Truth? Most of the time, Impostor Syndrome shows up, crashes on the couch, eats all our food and watches the worst television show ever (loudly) and proceeds to tell us often and loudly how badly we are screwing up something that we have never even tried!

Our only job when this happens is to refute those lies with truth.

Sample-

Impostor Syndrome-“Who are you to do (big, scary thing)?

You- “Who am I not to?

Impostor Syndrome- “Why did you wait so long to do ———? It’s too late?

You- On the contrary, this is the perfect time, and I am right where I need to be.

Impostor Syndrome- “What if you are wrong?

You- “Then I will try something else. You can’t scare me from doing new things, because even if I fail, I learn.

Impostor Syndrome: Huh. I can’t really argue with that. (Slinks away)

What do you need to say to YOUR Impostor Syndrome to overcome it?

Think About It.