In my life, I have known some loss, and sad to say, I will likely know more, that’s part of life.
(Really missing Poppa Joe today)
My message today is “If Something Sucks, It sucks”
If you lost your job, whether fired or laid off, that sucks.
(It has happened to me four times and each time sucked just as much as the first)
If someone dies. It sucks.
If someone has cancer. It sucks.
Frankly no amount of “spin” can make a loss feel better- Professor Haston
Trust me, I know what I am talking about. You have to let grief and sadness and anger and rage have it’s turn.
The message is simple, into each life, a little sadness must fall.
When you are in the middle of something hard, and you seek comfort, you aren’t looking for someone to tell you how much better life will be because this horrible thing is actually a good thing. I can’t think of anything less comforting to hear, though people say it to people frequently in times of difficulty.
It’s easy to understand why, because we all really want to comfort our fellow human in time of crisis and we don’t always know what to say, so we reach for a platitude, something, anything to avoid the pain and frustration they are feeling. Here’s an idea, the next time a fellow human comes to you and shares their pain, why not say that?
“I don’t even know what to say right now, I am so glad you told me”
Believe it or not, that helps more than “at least you had someone you loved so deeply” or “at least (insert mitigating factor to existing pain here)
I wish I could take credit for that, but it belongs to Professor Brené Brown-
“Embrace The Suck” – Professor Brené Brown
In the beginning of the event, you need to feel your feelings, you need to be scared, you need to be as angry as you feel. It’s only after time passes (the waiting, Ugh!!) that you have the ability and perspective to see these things.
I am all for being positive and “reframing” and there is a time and a place for it to have maximum impact, and skipping over the bad and sad to “get to the part” where you feel better isn’t really going to work. Trust me, I have tried this, multiple times, that scene will not play.
You must go through it to get to the other side, there are NO shortcuts.
So back to “embracing the suck” – calling out that thing which sucks, is just as important as if not MORE so than the act of “reframing” or painting the situation with a yellow brush or silver lining.
Easy to say, HARD to do. I know.
Think About It.