Please stop telling me my baby is fat…



I will say it again, because I have been quiet about this for too long. That ends now.

Please stop telling me my baby is fat.

Please stop saying she is chunky or chubby or roly poly or “look at the little fat rolls” or or saying things to comment on her body size and shape.

So, I have thought long and hard about this post. I realize people do NOT have malicious intent when they say these mindless things and they can’t know how painful each comment is because I don’t tell them, I just smile and say nothing.

Dying inside, because they can’t possibly know that our little girl has had rapid weight gain since she was born, and no matter what we do, she keeps gaining too much weight. Our pediatricatian has had us cut back her formula and add solid foods in hopes that there would be more empty calories which would cause her to lose weight. After a few months of this, she has now sent us to an endocrinologist to try to find out what’s going on and to hopefully get some answers. We had to get her blood drawn last Wednesday and are awaiting results.

Maybe it’s nothing, maybe she is just large for her age (she was 11 pounds 8 ounces when she was born) and after she starts walking the pounds will come right off. Maybe she is producing too much growth hormone and we will have to give her medicine for it.

I don’t know. I do know I don’t want to have to explain to you why I burst into tears or fall quiet when you call my child chubby.

It certainly could have something to do with the fact that I was called chubby or fat most of my life, and it’s only now at 40 years old I have come to terms with the fact that I am the shape that I am and it is beautiful.

I desperately want to avoid that for her. I want her to be healthy and happy and love herself just as she is. The lesson I hope to impart to her is that it is a good idea to eat well and exercise and to eat a cookie or candy bar here and there, everything in moderation.

That’s how I approach my eating and health and what I hope to teach her. I am likely getting way ahead of myself here, since the her in question is 10 months old today and not even talking yet, but you have to think about these things when you are a parent. They are always watching you, and as the saying goes, “More is caught than taught, so that is why when she was born, I agreed to no longer say mean things about my body and do all I could to love my whole self and no longer think of myself as “fat” but rather curvaceous, voluptuous, and lush.

I want to be CRYSTAL clear here.  This does not preclude me from working on my body in the hope that I can build healthy habits that I can pass on to my daughter someday.

In order to do that, I have to “begin as I mean to continue” so that means I have to form the habit myself so that is why I swim. It makes me feel good, is low impact on my knees and back. I also get a “kickstart” to my day that caffeine can’t come close to touching.

Back to my point, please don’t call my child (or any child for that matter) chubby or chunky — instead maybe comment on her smile or how smart she seems or her hair or her outfit. I would imagine the parents with children who are “skinny” get tired of hearing those comments too, “feed that kid a sandwich!” “Doesn’t mommy feed you? (actually overheard at the store, the woman’s reacton was to start nursing so well played to her) so think before you say something about the size and shape of a child you see. I know, it seems harmless and you really aren’t trying to hurt my feelings or upset me, but unfortunately that doesn’t lessen the impact of your words.

This article referenced from Huffington Post actually spells it out pretty well-

One of my favourite passages is this one-

“How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one:

Don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.”


Think About It.

8/3/2017 Update- Thank you ALL for your prayers, comments and well wishes! We heard back from the doctor- no issues with her hormone production, we have a follow up with the pediatrician next week to get a weight check and find out if we are on track.

Whatever your size or shape, You are beautiful.


Dear Readers,Joyphoto

Today’s post is dedicated to you and your beautiful body. Read that again.

YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You are sexy! You are perfect just as you are!!

I am so excited to be in this show about positive body image and a show that promotes the message, “You are perfect, just as you are”.. The fight to tell you otherwise is subtle and unrelenting, and it is already starting for my daughter, She isn’t hearing it but I am. “She is so chunky” or “Gosh, how big is she?” — and “That’s a big girl”  things commenting on her size. I realize I am probably being oversensitive in this area, but I have to say it’s hard to hear it, I know people mean well,  sometimes they say it because they think it’s a compliment or they THINK it’s just conversation.

They can’t possibly know how completely debilitating it was to me to hear things that were similar as I was growing up,”you have such a pretty face” or “you would be beautiful if you just lost a few pounds” “Your only hope is to marry rich” and all the times I heard it and things like it I steadfastly believed it..and it’s only very very recently that I have come to terms with my weight and my body and have learned to love myself just as I am.

I think the first time I felt overweight was in gym class, I literally couldn’t climb the rope. I remember holding on to it and trying as hard as I could to get myself up there but I lacked the arm strength and had a lot of weight to try to hoist. The only thing I had to show for my efforts were rope burns and chafed thighs.  I would be the last pick for dodge ball and I tried out for the dance team and didn’t make it. I certainly can’t prove that I wasn’t picked because I was overweight but it certainly didn’t help matters.

My parents didn’t really help me with this, they would tell me not to eat sweets and try to limit the desserts in the house but there was a lot of them and there were birthdays and special occasions and so then I would eat sweets, every chance I got I would eat them. Let’s not forget the ones I ate away from the house as well.

As an adult, I tried a lot of different diets. The cabbage soup diet, the Atkins diet, the paleo diet. The only time I have ever significantly lost weight was on paleo and that was when I was also exercising 3 times a week, and eating nothing but paleo. I lost over 75 pounds and had a glamorous photo shoot to celebrate. That was three years ago and remains a very happy memory as it was the beginning of where I am now on this journey to acceptance and body love.

Recently, I decided to give up dieting. I will eat mostly healthy foods and exercise but won’t be gazing at a scale for “results”. I will respond when the 4 year old in me says, “I want ice cream” because sometimes it’s really important to feed that 4 year old. It doesn’t happen every day, I would say roughly about once a month, I really crave ice cream. I had a pint in the freezer that lasted me almost three weeks, and then there are other times that I eat the whole pint in one sitting. So, it varies.

Here and now, I declare I am done with the guilt, since the guilt has never and will never cause me to lose weight or feel better, in fact it’s quite the opposite, it makes you want to eat more because you feel bad.

The goal will be to use food as fuel and if I want a cupcake or a piece of candy, to go ahead and eat that food. It’s a combination of the intuitive eating philosophy and my mentality about abundance. It also involves REALLY listening to your body. The other day, I wanted mashed potatoes, Jeremy being an awesome husband, offered to get them for me, and I said, no, I am just noticing that I want them, I am not sure why but it’s bubbling up in my head.When I waited a minute, the craving went totally away.

If you choose to diet or count calories, more power to you, but I have decided that way is not for me.

This dieting demon has haunted my menu and eating choices long enough and I am delighted to report that this show is exorcising that demon really effectively. I will be keeping an eye on how I feel about this and as always, report back to let you, my dear readers know how things are going.

Think about it….