When Something Sucks, It Sucks!

Dear Readers,

In my life, I have known some loss, and sad to say, I will likely know more, that’s part of life.

(Really missing Poppa Joe today)

My message today is “If Something Sucks, It sucks”

If you lost your job, whether fired or laid off, that sucks.

(It has happened to me four times and each time sucked just as much as the first)

If someone dies. It sucks.

If someone has cancer. It sucks.

Frankly no amount of “spin” can make a loss feel better- Professor Haston

Trust me, I know what I am talking about. You have to let grief and sadness and anger and rage have it’s turn.

The message is simple, into each life, a little sadness must fall.

When you are in the middle of something hard, and you seek comfort, you aren’t looking for someone to tell you how much better life will be because this horrible thing is actually a good thing. I can’t think of anything less comforting to hear, though people say it to people frequently in times of difficulty.

It’s easy to understand why, because we all really want to comfort our fellow human in time of crisis and we don’t always know what to say, so we reach for a platitude, something, anything to avoid the pain and frustration they are feeling. Here’s an idea, the next time a fellow human comes to you and shares their pain, why not say that?

“I don’t even know what to say right now, I am so glad you told me”

Believe it or not, that helps more than “at least you had someone you loved so deeply” or “at least (insert mitigating factor to existing pain here)

I wish I could take credit for that, but it belongs to Professor Brené Brown-

“Embrace The Suck” – Professor BrenĂ© Brown

In the beginning of the event, you need to feel your feelings, you need to be scared, you need to be as angry as you feel. It’s only after time passes (the waiting, Ugh!!) that you have the ability and perspective to see these things.

I am all for being positive and “reframing” and there is a time and a place for it to have maximum impact, and skipping over the bad and sad to “get to the part” where you feel better isn’t really going to work. Trust me, I have tried this, multiple times, that scene will not play.

You must go through it to get to the other side, there are NO shortcuts.

So back to “embracing the suck” – calling out that thing which sucks, is just as important as if not MORE so than the act of “reframing” or painting the situation with a yellow brush or silver lining.

Easy to say, HARD to do. I know.

Think About It.

Setbacks are a gift!

Dear Readers,

Two months ago, I was rejected by TedX.

For those who don’t know, this has been a goal of mine for almost 10 years.

I was upset, and make no mistake, I am still upset, and as I am learning setbacks are a gift.

I know, when you are in the middle of it, it sure doesn’t feel that way.

It takes time and distance to view setbacks as a gift- Professor Haston

Let me explain what I mean.

First, here are the numbers-

Colorado Springs- 8/26/19
Davenport, Iowa- 11/9/19
McHenry, Illinois- 11/26/19
Austin, Texas – 12/8/2019
Ted- (The Major Big Kahuna) 1/10/2020

I get a little upset every time I read these numbers because each one represents a rejection, and without measuring the rejection, I think the victory (When and If it happens, since that is NOT up to me) is less sweet.

If I am really honest with myself (which I don’t really like doing, and it’s necessary) I was not in a place emotionally, financially or any of the “lly” ilk to give this my all.

My Poppa Joe died, I was working hard on a new role, and new industry, transportation, and well life was being super duper lifey. Yep, lifey. Don’t try to tell me it’s not a word, I just made it up.

Now, things have settled (see also time passed) and I am able to look back and SEE that the timing was not right.

It does NOT negate the sadness or disappointment or rejection I feel and it’s a useful way to help make the sting less painful.

Now let’s talk about you, dear readers.

What setback are you facing that needs reframing?

Also remember, it might not be time yet to reframe, you might still be too close to it to SEE.

Give Yourself Time.

Think About It.

Stop Posting Perfection!

Dear Readers,

As you know, last week was Valentines Day.

A day that is just another day to some, but for me, I was super duper excited because my hubby and I had a date night including FREE babysitting, so expectations were VERY high.

I dressed up, I put on fancy clothes, dropped off the kiddo and headed to meet my hubby-

I think you can see where I am going with this.

In particular, I was really feeling confident in the awesomeness of my gift and how well it would be received.

Observe the ultra exclusive seating and sappy tablecloth….

In short, those hopes were dashed as I saw the look of non-joy on my partners face as he opened his present. As you might recall, last week I posted about how I was actively searching for those “other love languages” and deeper connection and closeness pathways, and I really believed heading into the night that I had really tapped into that with my gift.

Well, looking on the bright side, as I am prone to do. It was time together, away from everyone else. It was a nice dinner and we both tried to get other something we thought the other would like, but not so much. In fact, we both very gingerly talked through the mutual let-down and while it was not super fun to realize how much we had both missed the mark, there was some comfort in the knowledge that we were both sitting in the same boat.

The temptation is so strong to NOT share these foibles and thwarted expectations and if there is a chance that this will help one person to feel better about their relationship not being so perfect, than I will share.

I am fond of the hashtag that instructs people not to post perfection, so I am doing that now.

I relearn this lesson daily: Progress not Perfection-

Why is it so hard to admit that things are NOT perfect?

When we insist on that “perfect moment” from our lives, we miss out on the present imperfect- Professor Haston

It is hard to admit it, harder still to take the imperfect picture and embrace it for the moment it is, not what we WANTED it to be.

Think About It.