Conflict is inevitable, Drama is a choice.

Dear Readers,

I heard this on a podcast the other day and I can’t get it out of my head.

“Conflict is inevitable, Drama is a choice” – Chris BrownDramaChoice

In life, we WILL have conflict because we interact with people and they have their own agenda, feelings and thoughts about a given situation (just like we do!)

So many things inform this, different personality types, feelings and thoughts, background and childhood and personal life experience “They reacted this way last time so of course they will react that way this time”

Take me for example, I grew up in a household that when you spoke you were disregarded so I found the need to talk more and more and more and somehow I got it into my head that “quiet” or “no communication” means someone is angry. This is really unfortunate for me because I chose to marry a “processor”. My partner really likes to think about things and just because he is NOT talking does not mean he is mad at me. I have spent so many needless hours worried about it and actually asking him about it and having him reassure me, “no, nothing is wrong” so much so that I think I have actually CAUSED there to be an issue. Right there, I caused drama where there was none. Yes, there was conflict, but there was NO need for drama-

In some ways, that was part of my work life as well, until I took a long hard look at it and realized, Silence is just that, silence. It is not bad or wrong or the portent of something horrible. I have a pretty vivid imagination so I can take a very little amount of silence and transform it into something really ominous. In reality, I have to trust that people around me will own their feelings and not expect me to be a mind reader when they share the responsibility in the relationship to share how they feel if there is a problem. By the way, this post is not directed at anyone, I want to make that clear.

My personality is such that I am usually smiling and saying hi and am more apt to say hi or how are you doing?  As such, it is my tendency to talk a lot and that is my way, but its really important for me to honor and realize not everyone else is like me so they choose to communicate differently. It is not wrong because it is not my way, it is simply not my way.

Think about it…..

Taking the Sting out of the past…

HomecomingHomeaway

I have long had a habit of taking things that are unpleasant and finding ways to reclaim them in a positive light.

High school was no picnic for me. But tonight, as my company celebrates all things “high school and homecoming” I take it back as my own. Now, nearly 20 years later, I am married to the love of my life and will be so proud and excited to walk into “the dance” with my husband. Tonight I will be Lorraine Baines, Diane Court, and Eliza Doolittle all rolled into one. All my high school dreams and fantasies come true but it’s going to be better, because it’s not accompanied by all that angst about if the guy I like really likes me. I already know!

What negative can YOU turn into a positive? Think about it!

Be curious. Be patient. Watch what happens!

Dear Readers, I am taking a class right now that implores that you “be curious and be patient with yourself and others”

It occurred to me this is excellent life advice. Think about it. If you are curious, you are always learning. If you are patient, you lower your heart rate and your level of stress.

For instance, if you have a bad day or are stressed out about how you did at work, you can take the stance of being curious to figure out what you need to do to improve things. Instead of judging yourself for the difficulty, you can be patient with yourself as you learn about what needs to change.

On a personal note, in the last two weeks, I have gained almost 10 pounds due to an excess of eating foods not on our paleo diet. As my nurse friend pointed out, its easy to pack on the pounds when you go off such a strict diet. In the past, I would have shamed myself and tried to hide it or make excuses or feel guilty but now, with the advent of this advice, I am finding myself to be more patient with myself and forgiving the cheating and have a renewed vigor to resume the lifestyle choice of paleo, and give myself some grace for the past. To be clear, this is not license to continue the cheating, this is an acknowledgment that this is something I am still working on, just like the rest of life, we are all evolving and moving to whatever our next level is going to be. So I implore you, be curious and be patient. The results will surprise you. Think about it! 

Never be afraid to ask for help…

At any stage and any age, support is a good thing. I said that to someone last week when they said, I shouldn’t need help at my age and I got to thinking about how needless that is.

Thought I know that intellectually, emotionally this remains a difficulty for me. I have a very hard time asking for help, I am working on this and my husband has made it much easier for me to ask and receive help graciously.

Case in point, we are working on gaining better health by eating better and exercising and he has been and continues to be an amazing resource for help, encouragement and love. This week is the first week I have lost weight in three weeks, he also decided that it was a good idea to measure the inches and I am proud to say I have lost an inch from my waist and my stomach which is extremely good progress and has reinvigorated my enthusiasm for the process.

Putting yourself out there is very scary but I have been posting photographs on Facebook and getting the encouragement of friends because I couldn’t see I was making progress but the outpouring of support, and just loving remarks could not have been better timed to help move me forward so I wanted to say thank you and hope that my post will encourage you to ask for help if you need it, even if its difficult.