Dear readers, until a few months ago I called myself fat. I do not do this anymore, okay that isn’t really true. I correct myself when I do say it but its a correction after years of lots of negative self-talk.
I have been thinking of myself as fat for most of my life but really truly, I am not. This picture was taken just before my ninth grade homecoming dance. I remember thinking that thought it wasn’t blue, I really liked the dress and it was a fun evening and I got to buy new shoes and my hair done and it was the first time I started to feel a little bit grown-up.
I have spent most of my life thinking of myself as fat but I am really, truly not. I feel the need to say it at least twice here because of how many millions of times have I said to myself that I am.
Now my husband has been saying to me for years (5 to be precise) that I am beautiful and I have had to really struggle to not set aside his praise as prejudice.
What do you say about you that isn’t true? What can you say today to start turning that around?
This Saturday I am walking in a 5K. I will pause for your reaction.
This former fat kid, who was told many times, “you have such a pretty face, you just need to get rid of the baby fat” is walking in a 5K. I never thought that was possible. I use the phrase “shattering expectations” very purposefully. I have a picture of myself as fat which started in middle school and pervades daily. My only choice is to shatter that image with everything that I do that defies that image.
So when I look in the mirror I do not see the slimming figure I am becoming. I see the overweight teenager who was mercilessly teased. In other words, someone who would NEVER walk a 5K let alone run in one. (my next goal)
Funny thing about memories, they aren’t always accurate. In this case, they aren’t even close. I was recently going through some pictures of me in sixth grade (see below) and I am not fat, was not fat and this was my figure going through high school but somewhere along the way someone told me I was fat and I believed it over and over and over again and it is only now in looking back and considering the things I told myself and the relationship I have with food that I realize I am a healthy weight for my size and losing the weight is within my grasp and I have already lost 45 pounds of the weight I have carried along with a lot of negative thoughts about myself.
What do you say about yourself that when looked at through anothers eyes simply isn’t true?